Looking diligently lest any man fail
of the grace of God; lest any root
of bitterness springing up trouble you,
and thereby many be defiled.
Hebrews 12:15
The first time I got a taste of real bitterness was when I was about eight years old. I was down on my Uncle Bob and Aunt Dora's farm. It was spring as I recall. Uncle Bob and I were walking through the wooded area that was right next to his farm. We came to a tree and he pulled a piece of fruit from it and told me to take a big bite of it as it was very good. He added that I probably hadn't had anything like it in my life and would never forget it's taste. Well, he was right...I have never forgotten it. What I bit into was a very unripe persimmon. I have never put anything in my mouth even to this day that was so bitter. It felt like it was pulling all the sides of my mouth together into one horrible wad. It was so bad that it scared me and I recall beginning to cry. I didn't know much about death then, but I wondered if I had eaten some kind of poison that would lead to my early demise. Everyone I guess has tasted something bitter in nature either accidentally or on purpose just to see what something tasted like. To this day, I can think of persimmons and almost feel the inside of my mouth tightening up. However, that incident involved a physical bitterness that one can get over in a fairly short time.
What about the emotion of bitterness that can so easily become a part of everyone and I do mean everyone. There hasn't been a single person who hasn't gone through some tough times that left an almost permanent sting in their mind and heart. We can even go back to the Word of God and see people who let bitterness get the best of them.
Remember Esau who was robbed of his birthright by his brother Jacob? Talk about bitter. Esau wanted Jacob's hide nailed to the side of their barn if they had one. I think of Haman in the book of Esther. Haman even with a new queen in place felt sincerely that he was in a place to be greatly rewarded by the king for his faithfulness...enter Mordecai...Esther's adopted uncle who proved himself even more faithful and was rewarded above Haman. Haman was enraged. John the Baptist was a victim of a bitter queeen who wanted him dead because of his public revelation of the immoral state of the king and herself. When the opportunity came for the king to give her anything she wanted, of all things, she wanted a head...John's head. Bitterness ruled her spirit.
I looked up the word "bitter" in a dictionary and there I found it to be an intense animosity that is distressing to the mind that is brought on by some negative event or personal wrong. I read that and thought of times I have held bitterness inside of me (that wasn't a persimmon) because I felt I had been wrongly treated or very much misunderstood. I think "intense animosity" is pretty strong, but let's just see it in the daylight for the ugliness it really is
Bitterness is something that can tear us up physically whether we realize it or not. People end up with ulcers, headaches, obesity and any number of physical problems when unresolved bitterness is present. This doesn't mean that if someone has an ulcer, it's because of bitterness, but it can be a result.
We also see from our beginning verse that others can be infected (defiled) by the bitterness we carry. Others may be exposed to the rot of bitterness that they had nothing to do with. As people are defiled, it lends us to thinking that others may learn from us how to be bitter and how to not deal with it. I wonder how many children have learned well from their parents' example how to be bitter and unforgiving just because of things said in front of them, or of examples set before them.
Bitterness eats away at our emotions. It leaves us churned up mentally most of the time. It can amount to something that happened years ago that still today "eats ones lunch" so to speak. It can take us into the waiting room of discouragement and then into the "bawl room" of despondency if left unchecked. I realize that our pasts can very often take us down roads we don't want to travel and we end up feeling like life has handed us a raw deal. We must remember that with God in charge, He always has a plan. Any negatives in our lives, He has meant for our growth and our good... to form us more into His likeness through any suffering we've been called upon to endure.
Bitterness also affects our spiritual being. When bitterness takes over, and we refuse to do anything about it, we can so easily turn off the tap of God's blessings flowing into our lives. Let me hasten to add that bitterness is a one person thing. It's a spiritual matter that must be resolved with an individual. I can travel all over to find people who have hurt me in the past. They may not even be aware that they have hurt me. Talking it over with them could only heighten my frustration and create ill will with another. Bitterness is something in the end that I will have to deal with in the presence of my holy God. Not only can the blessings of God be stemmed, but our growth will be affected...can't concentrate on reading the Word...mind drifts when trying to pray, etc.
How am I to get relief from any bitterness I feel and hold in my own heart? Let me share some brief statements regarding bitterness with a few comments:
Remember that bitterness comes when others hurt us and we refuse to forgive.
If we are waiting for people to line up apologizing for every hurt they have inflicted on us, we'll be waiting a very long time. Forgiveness isn't enacted because someone apologizes. We forgive because it's the Christlike thing to do no matter what someone else without remorse has done to us. Jesus hung on a cross and said, "Father, forgive them..." We don't read of a long line of people at the cross waiting to apologize to Him. Jesus forgave anyway and that's what we are called upon to do if we are to be Christlike. Forgiveness is the antidote to bitterness...it is freeing and healing beyond words. No one can force us to forgive...it is a personal choice to forgive and to let go of any bitterness we have hung onto and almost befriended. Yes there are those who have hung onto grudges for dear life almost like a security blanket. Remember that unforgiveness is the breeding ground for bitterness.
Bitterness comes when we forget God's grace, which is showered on us each day.
More than forgetting what someone has done to hurt us, the most important thing to remember is not the hurts dished out upon us but concentrating on the goodness of God in our own lives. God's grace is so generously given...can we do less in the lives of others?
Bitterness toward others is sin and we are to get rid of it.
Paul says in the first part of Ephesians 4:31
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh
words and slander...
There is a cure!!
Paul goes on to suggest a cure in Ephesians 4:32
Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God for
Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
In Mark 11:25 we read:
When you are praying, first forgive anyone
you are holding a grudge against, in that
your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.
Grudge: perhaps a more familiar word that is synonymous with the word bitterness.
May we walk in the freedom of forgiveness despite the actions and attitudes of others both past and present. Humanly speaking, it's impossible. but with God, we have learned that all things are possible. May we choose to walk in His "possibility" and not flounder in our own weakness. Oh, and by the way, I have long ago forgiven Uncle Bob.
Father...In Your power, I choose to forgive. I know that in that way, I can become more Christlike. I can only do it in Your strength. You know every hurt I have sustained, but it's nothing compared to Your Son who took on every sin and wrongdoing known to man. Thank you for that and I love you. Amen.
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