It's Okay To Be Choosey

As parents, I think there were things we all tried to instill in our children as they grew and matured. Of course, as Christians we wanted to teach principles from God's Word as best we could. However, there were times we took those principles and boiled them down into practical guidelines they could put into practice.

When our children were into the elementary school years, we did a lot of observing as to those things or people who were good or even bad for our children. We had more enforcement power during those days. However, during those pre-teen and teen years, our children began to make many of their own decisions regarding activities and friends. Our prayer was always that our children would do the right things and make the best of choices.

AND YET...how often have we in our adult years failed in our own lives to live up to some of those same standards we worked so hard to instill in those young lives in our care.

To my dismay, there was a day of confrontation between my children and me. I don't recall who said what, but upon my return to our house after lunch with a friend, I was approached with some questions by my children (who were being home educated at the time), all asked with respect but still asked in order to make a point. I don't recall the questions by their exact words but they went something like this:

“Mom, why do you go to lunch with Mrs. Brown?” (Not using her true name)

“When you do, you always come home sad or upset.”

“You have told us to pick the right friends.” To which someone added:

“You told us that we have to be careful picking friends even at church.”

Wow...there wasn't a lot I could say to those things. In fact, I don't even recall how I responded to those statements that came at me pretty quickly. I can't tell you what hearing those things from my children meant to me and I've never forgotten that day. For one thing, in a tasteful way I think, I withdrew from that friendship even though the other person was not real happy about my withdrawal. I also evaluated within myself the kind of people I felt I needed around me, those I would regard as the best of friends. I had to think about personal needs in my life, and what I need from others to help me be the best Christian I can be. I'll quickly suggest some of those things that have been a real help to me in evaluating relationships and hopefully that I can return in kind to those ladies who are such a blessing in my life.

(What I watch for when seeking a dear friend...a kindred spirit are as follows. Please keep in mind that I'm not looking for a perfect person because I'm certainly not perfect either.)

At the top of my list is a friend's walk with the Lord. I'm not talking about someone who talks the talk but who doesn't walk the walk. I want a lady of prayer and who loves and studies the Word of God. I want to be able to share freely with my friend what the Lord is doing in my life. I want her to be someone I know will pray for me, especially when big things come into my life. I in turn want to feel a freedom to be these same things for her.

Next, the older I become, the more I am looking for positive people to be around. I'm tired of whining, negative women who haven't learned that negative attention isn't always the best attention. I want someone who sees the silver lining of darker clouds, who can smile through difficulties. May they be complimentary in an honest way and yet find a way in that honesty to point out those offensive things in me that may be damaging my witness for the Lord.

I want friends with a sense of humor who can laugh at the craziest of things with a belly laugh that can bring tears running down their faces...folks who at times can even get the giggles in church and choke them back with a borrowed handkerchief.

Along that line, I also want friends who aren't ashamed to let me see their tears. I want friends to feel that they can literally cry on my shoulder, but in return will freely offer their shoulder for my occasional tears.

A friends confidentiality is very important to me and by the way is a rare find in anyone. We need to feel that when sharing, we can trust friends to keep things to themselves. Mixed in with this is the hope that friends will stay with me despite circumstances that can sometimes beat up on a friendship.

There are so many verses in Scripture that give us guidance regarding friendships and we should look them up and heed them. There is a verse in Proverbs that has always fascinated me as it speaks of what a mutual respect between two parties can mean to both individuals:

Iron sharpens iron,

so one man sharpens

another.

Proverbs 27:17

I have a wooden block that holds various types and sizes of knives in it. However, there is one implement in that block that doesn't cut anything. It is an implement that can be used to sharpen the knives in that block. The official name for this tool is “honing steel.” It is made of practically the same material as the knife that rubs against it to improve the cut of that knife.

Although the roles are different between the knife and the honing steel, a vital exchange takes place as one moves against the other. Such is the way our close friendships should be that both parties benefit the other in a very positive and yet helpful way. I want close friends, very spiritual ladies who can encourage me to be at my sharpest and that I can do the same for them.

It's difficult to pull away from friendships that for any number of reasons has changed and not for the better. You and I need as many positive people as possible in our closest of relationships...iron that will sharpen iron with both parties benefiting in the process.

Lord Jesus, that You for being my very best friend. I'm so grateful that I have in You what a friend ought to be and that You set the right example for all of us. Help me to be wise in choosing my closest of friends but to be friendly to everyone I come in contact with. I rely on Your wisdom and thank You for being my all in all. I love you...Amen