Lost Relationships

A new commandment I give unto you,

That ye love one another; as I have

loved you, that ye also love one

another. By this shall all men know that

ye are my disciples, if ye have love

one to another. 

John 13:34-35

They happen in the course of life...lost relationships. There are relationships in our lives that change or are altered in some ways that aren't to our liking. Marriage, relocation, illness, divorce, death, job transfers and even relationships we were meant to have for only a certain time are things that can affect relationships and friendships with others for a very long time. In many cases, people can work through some of those things, but it takes a lot of forgiveness, love and patience to work through obstacles that affected a close relationship with another.

I have for sometime, struggled with a lost relationship. It has been a heartbreak I can't even describe. I've done every thing I know to do to try to mend things. I may even have apologized for breathing. Experience tells me that this person is not a forgiving person, who almost thrives on situations like this. As a Christian, I can't be satisfied with being at odds with anyone. I believe God's people are supposed to love each other and get along, be they friends or family. It doesn't mean they will be best friends but at least can be friendly and caring.

There is comfort for me as I look at Scripture. Jacob and Esau had some real problems. There was a lot of family conflict with one brother finally determined to kill the other. In later life they were able to reconcile, but a lot of time was wasted. There was much jealousy in Joseph's family with him being the favored child above 11 brothers. Those brothers really went overboard in selling Joseph off to traveling merchants. Much later in years, when Joseph was second in power in Egypt, he ended up being the person who saved the lives of his family. Joseph could see that although his brothers had meant what they did for evil that God had meant it for good and that was certainly verified. Paul mentioned two ladies in Philippians 4 who were at odds with each other to the point that he encouraged some church members to mediate a reconciliation between them. Job went through a time of real loss...family, wealth and health as well. After awhile, all his wife could say was that he should just curse God and die.

Some of the above relationships were mended after a period of time. However, the lost relationship between David and Saul was never mended. They started out on good terms with David serving as a friend and musician for Saul but unfortunately, jealousy raised it's ugly head in Saul's heart and things were never again the same, even up to the time of Saul’s death. The same is true with David and his son Absalom. Absalom did all he could to take the throne away from his father, but in the end Saul died in battle with nothing being resolved between them.

I wish I could tell you how often someone has said to me, “I can never forgive her no matter what.” That is a strong and ugly statement. It is so full of ungodly pride that it is pitiful. I can't even imagine Jesus having such an attitude. True, God expects repentance from us for sin we've committed, but His love is sure and isn't going anywhere unlike some folks in our lives who want to dump us when we have disappointed them.

If we aren't careful, there is something that can happen in all of our lives that can trap us. Many of us can remember the old black records we used to play on a phonograph. We had to be careful putting the arm down on the record with the needle attached. If a scratch occurred, then every time the record would play it would repeat over and over three or four words at the point of the damage. The needle was caught in a scratch. The record for the most part became useless and was fit for the trash can. I think the same can happen with us. We can get deeply hurt (scratched) and in our minds, we play the offense over and over and over and over again. We tell whoever will listen of the same offense time and time again. I recently spent some time with a friend who has been deeply hurt by a family member. She relayed that incident to me several times while I was with her. In fact, she was word perfect in going over it as if she hadn't ever told me or anyone else about it. I thought of a scratched record.

Here's the thing about a scratch on that record...if it is allowed to play over and over, the needle will deepen the scratch and it will only turn into a gouge. The more we play over hurts with others in our minds, the more the hurt goes deeper and deeper and it becomes obsessive in our minds. It causes severe mental and spiritual damage. We can get to where we want to hang onto the hurt for dear life because it's almost become a warm blankie for us. Just the retelling of our hurts, however, deepens the rut and we can become very obsessive just in relaying an incident repeatedly.

In it all, a relationship is often lost, a relationship God meant for good, meant to benefit both parties. In God's power, we can forgive and we can forgive that initial hurt and later hurts as well. With God, nothing is impossible. Very often, the thing that will keep the offense growing deeper is pride. In each Biblical example I listed, pride was involved somewhere in whatever went wrong.

We are called to love...in fact we aren't called to love, we're commanded to love. God doesn't suggest we forgive...He commands it.

HOWEVER...what if you've done all you can do to resolve differences, to mend fences? What if that person on the other side of your life still does things to hurt you. They will talk about you believe me because they are caught in a rut of hatred they refuse to deal with.

 

 

What do we do? I would suggest two things...always keep the door of reconciliation open even if it's the opportunity for a casual conversation. The other thing is to really pray for that person. Sometimes it's hard to pray for someone who insists on doing us harm but we are also called on to be people of prayer, and not always to pray for good friends and others we are close to. There are times when we have done all we can possibly do and we must wait on the other person. That person may come around or may not. We must rest in the peace that we've done all we can do.

Anything that is lost, needs to be found. Lost relationships need to be brought back into harmony as God will be pleased and both parties will be blessed.

Dear Father, thank You for wonderful friends and family. If things go wrong in some way, give me Your wisdom as to what I can do to mend those things. You want Your children to get along and may I always seek to do my part in that process. I love You. Amen