Been There, Done That

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time
are not worthy to be compared with the glory
which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18

So often, we are quick to say to some who is in distress for any reason, “I know how you feel.” A few years ago, I taught one of the most delightful ladies Sunday school classes in the world. The president of our class at the time was a dear lady, Norma. I always thought I'd like to be like her when I grew up...just a very special person. One day in class, Norma asked us to pray for her regarding a doctor's appointment that week. She had Macular Degeneration and was to have an injection in her eye at her appointment. I cringed at the thought, but like others in the class, promised to pray for her and did. I didn't really know what all was involved with that condition, but knew Norma wasn't looking forward to her appointment.

At this writing, I have just returned home from my eye doctor's office. Every time I go there, I think of Norma. Last fall, it was discovered that I too have Macular Degeneration and now I have to go every 4-6 weeks for an injection in my eye. May I tell you that it is scary and not a lot of fun. It wipes me out more emotionally than physically. NOW, if Norma were here, I could sincerely say, “I know how you feel.”

Several years ago, I had a friend who sent her son off to college, a college at some distance from home. I think for at least three months, that dear mother wept in my presence more than we were able to talk. It went on for weeks and weeks, not just with me but with others as well. I remember hoping that I would do better if one of my children went off to college at some distance. At the time, there was nothing I could say or do to console my friend. In reality, I had not idea the depth of her pain.

Guess what? I drove a our daughter from Texas to South Carolina to attend college. I can't tell you how torn up I was. Most of the way back home, I couldn't have even told you what highway I was on or through what state I was traveling. Talk about upset...wow. All of a sudden, I knew what that friend of mine had felt. I am usually good had holding in emotions and was when I got home, but until I got home, I was a mess. In those days, God was definitely my co-pilot. Again it took a shared, personal experience to really appreciate what others might be experiencing.

There may be times when we are critical or impatient with family members and other friends who seem to be taking some things in a more serious manner than we think is necessary. We smile, listen and may even be guilty of that no-no statement...”I know how you feel.” Despite our impatience and lack of understanding, Scripture speaks to some of this in such a way it may seem almost too simple:

Rejoice with them that do rejoice,
and weep with then that weep.
Be of the same mind one toward
another, mind not high things, but
condescend to men of low estate.
Be no wise in your own conceits.
Romans 12:15-16

Here are some practical pointers from these two verses:

*Rejoicing with someone who is rejoicing is harder than you might think. If a friend gets a new car or new house...announces her pregnancy when you can't bear children...a friend's child gets straight A's and your child doesn't. Come on now...do we feel like sincerely rejoicing. Don't be too quick with that answer.

*Weeping sincerely with another person who is in the depths of trouble can also take some doing when we haven't come to the point of having a compassionate (feeling with) heart.

*Try to put yourself in the others persons shoes even if you haven't experienced what they are going through.

*Probably as important as anything, is to not be so conceited that you feel you must give words words of wisdom regarding a situation you know little about because you just haven't been “there” in your own life's experience. Give no advice unless it is asked for. Give comfort and encouragement that God loves them and is in control. Encourage with the warmth of God's Word without being preachy.

In the last 40 or so years, I have known mothers who have children with serious illnesses. I was fortunate and felt so blessed that I had three children who were strong and healthy. I felt bad for those mother's, but often saw in them, God's grace oozing from their lives in those times of stress and concern. I assured them of my prayers for them and their children. I would ask frequently how things were going. Some ladies I would pray with on the spot if we weren't in a busy, open area.

Some years later, I've had children with some serious health issues. As I've walked this path, I've thought back to some of those ladies and my heart has been encouraged in the Lord as I've thought of them.

I love the fact that despite our finite minds and often lack of understanding and experience, we have Jesus. His comfort and understanding is beyond what anyone else can render.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be
touched with the feeling of our infirmities;
was in all points tempted (tested) like as we are, yet
without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of
grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find
grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:15,16

Dear Jesus, I realize you never had a doctor stick a needle in your eye nor did you bid farewell to a child going to college, but in Your all knowing wisdom of all things, You understand beyond our comprehension the various tests and trials we face. Thank You for Your love, grace and understanding of us no matter what we face on a daily basis...for it's in Your precious name....Amen