Monday, January 28, 2013

Forgive...Like It Or Not



In everything, therefore, treat people
the same way you want them to treat
you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Matthew 7:12

Through the years, no matter my job, I have found myself in a position of talking with a lot of ladies who mostly needed someone to listen to them vent their problems. It's amazing how many of those ladies were undergoing stress due to a long or short term unforgiving spirit. I have often walked away smiling after listening for an hour to just such a one. As we parted, such a lady would often say, “Thank you Glendarae...you always seem to know just what to say that makes me feel better.” In reality, I probably said very few words except to maybe pray with her before parting. I can't tell you how often I've found that what most of we women need in the worst of ways is to quit talking about the issue of forgiveness and decide to forgive and be done with it.


Peter and Jesus got into a discussion one day when Peter asked Jesus how often he should forgive a brother who it would seem had hurt Peter. Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive the culprit up to seven times. Jesus then threw Peter a curve ball. Jesus told Peter to forget the seven times but to forgive seventy times seven. Do you know how many times that is? 70X7=490 I don't know about you but if there is someone in my lives who deliberately wounds me over and over, 490 times of forgiving one person for causing so much hurt sounds like a lot of forgiving to me.


Remember Jacob and Esau in the Old Testament. Jacob with the help of his mom rooked Esau out of his rightful inheritance and blessing. Esau threatened to kill his brother. I don't think in our day, they could have found an unbiased jury that would have condemned Esau if he had killed Jacob. Jacob fled with family and belongings and for many years there was no contact between the brothers. The day did come when they were reconciled but prior to that it was Jacob, the culprit who made the move in this process. He didn't know if he and his family would live through it, but they did. Esau welcomed his brother with open arms in a spirit of forgiveness.


I should remind us of a phrase in Jesus' prayer He used to teach His disciples how to pray. It was never meant to be a prayer to be sung or recited even though there's nothing wrong with doing that. We find this prayer in two places...Matthew and Luke. In Matthew 6:12, we read: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” This is a phrase that causes me a great deal of introspection. I see that:


      * I am to pray to God to forgive me of my debts, trespasses and sin...
      * AS I have forgiven those who have offended or hurt me.

How does that level out? Who in that process is to forgive the most...me or God? Nope...as much as He forgives me, that's how much I am to forgive those who hurt me. I really don't like that, but I know that God knows what He's asking us to do. I have found in the middle of misunderstandings and hurt that the stronger Christian will make the first move to reconcile and that's very difficult. The part of this that is really of concern to me is how much of God's forgiveness has been mine that goes unclaimed when I haven't been willing to forgive.


I wish I could recall how many women have said to me something like this: “I won't forgive her until she apologizes to me. She's in the wrong and she owes me an apology.” That's a very human response but what was Jesus' response in the most difficult of circumstances? While hanging on the cross, one of His final statements was: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” When Jesus expressed that from the cross, we are not told of hundreds who could have gathered at the foot of the cross begging Jesus to forgive them for their wrong doings. He was forgiving people in general from generation to generation. Jesus' desire for all was that they might have God's unconditional forgiveness.


I don't know about you but I've never hung on a cross, let alone the rest of the torture Jesus endured beyond the cross. And yet, Jesus hanging on that cross prayed that God would forgive “them.” Theologians have argued for years who Jesus was talking about. Was it the soldiers who tortured him? Was it the soldiers who nailed Him to the cross? The Roman soldiers who were on crucifixion duty were specialists. It was their regular job...was it them? Was it His disciples who had “gotten outta Dodge?” Was it for everyone who had ever lived? Was it for all of those who were yet to come? I don't think it matters...He prayed for God's forgiveness of all that I believe included even you and me.


We are to pattern our lives after Jesus' life. It's a huge order but with Holy Spirit power (not in our own strength) we are to forgive, and forgive, and forgive on up to 490 times. By then, we'll be in the groove of forgiving, but forgiving when offended will never be easy.


What is our responsibility in all of this?

*Don't take on the attitude that we are never an offender because we are and we need to be sensitive to the feelings of others.

*When I know I've offended someone, I should apologize to that person whether that person will forgive me or not.

*Forgive when offended, no matter what case we've made against the offender.

*The offender won't always apologize. Realize there are times when the offender may not know she's offended you. Don't approach the offender with your hurt. Let the Lord do the convicting and we do the forgiving.

*Pray for the offender and be nice to her when you see her or talk to her.

*Rest in the freedom of spirit you can experience when you let go of it all, giving it to the Lord and walking away from it.


May I add a word of common sense here? If you come in and rob my house, you're caught and arrested. You go to trial and are convicted. I would hope I would forgive you but let me quickly add that the state and criminal justice system knows next to nothing about forgiveness. Their job is to see that criminals, like you would be at that point, sentenced and sent to prison. I've been talking about the everyday interactions with people in general and our spiritual responsibility in being women of forgiveness.


Last of all, let me suggest that we all learn to forgive ourselves. We've all messed up at one time or another. We've said the wrong thing, done the wrong things...sometimes deliberately and at other times purely unplanned and certainly not deliberate. If God forgives us which He certainly does, there's no way He wants us to continue carrying the load of unforgiveness. If we have repented before God and with anyone we may have hurt or offended, then we've done all we can do. We must learn from whatever the situation and move on in Jesus steps. Moving on will be a choice. As Jesus prayed His prayer from the cross, perhaps our prayer should be, when offended by another, “Father, forgive her for she doesn't really understand how much she has hurt me...In this moment, I forgive her.” Every time we forgive, no matter the circumstances, we become more and more like Jesus!


Thank You, dear Jesus for your example of forgiveness. I thank You for all the times You forgive me when I know I don't deserve a moment of Your consideration. I want to be like You but I need the strengthening of Your Spirit to help me live life like You would have me walk. I love You, Jesus, and thank You for all You have done for me. Amen

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