I Know How You Feel

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord

Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and

God of all comfort.

Who comforts us in all our affliction so that we

will be able to comfort those who are in any

affliction with the comfort with which we

ourselves are comforted by God.

II Corinthians 1:3,4

A few years ago, I was asked to be the new teacher for a ladies Sunday school class. Along with doing that, one of our class members invited members of our class to come to her home for lunch for a get acquainted time. After a lovely lunch, I was asked to give my testimony, tell about myself and give the ladies an opportunity to ask questions.

In the process of telling about myself, husband and children, I mentioned that one of my daughters had a physical condition that is somewhat rare with no known cure at that time. All of a sudden, from the middle of the group, I heard a loud gasp from one of the ladies. It was so noticeable that she verbally apologized for the interruption but went on to say that her daughter had that same condition. I had never met another person who even knew about the condition let alone coming across one who would be in my Sunday school class. In the years after that, that dear lady became a good friend. We could share about our girls on rare occasions. We could look at each other and say, “I know how you feel.”

On several occasions that have become more frequent the older I have become, I have known dear ladies in churches we have attended whose husbands have passed away. I have gone to the funeral home for the visitation times. I have offered my condolences and even hung around to help that grieving lady friend whether she needed a glass of water or fresh tissues to hold onto. The rest of the time, I sat in a corner of the reception room making it a practice to pray for that friend and her family members. I felt a sense of helplessness, wanting to say the right thing or do the right thing. But you see, I was at a loss because my husband is still living. There is no way I could utter those five words, “I know how you feel.”

We have learned as Christians that we will go through testings and trials. We will know disappointment, hurt, illness, and everyday misfortune. Perhaps we have gone to God with our why's and wherefore's with no answer coming forth. For long periods of time, our wonderings and questions might rear their ugly heads still with no answers.

Paul writes under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit regarding the privilege that is ours to be of comfort to others who are going through the toughest of times. In tough times, God has comforted us, maybe using the kindness and thoughtfulness of others in our lives. Perhaps some did or said just what we needed at the time, but we felt a sense of comfort being showered on us. When we have gone through a variety of trials and have been comforted, we are to store those things in the file of our heart and mind.

I have learned in my life that God doesn't want any experience we go through to go to waste. Sooner or later, as we have been comforted, we can use that comfort to comfort others going through some similar experiences. A billionaire may not understand what it is to not have enough money to pay bills or put food on the table. A woman in a good marriage may not understand the plight of a battered wife. Parents with what appears to be perfect children, may not understand parents of a runaway teenager.

However, the person who has gone through those things and others that would be familiar to us, can have an empathy and compassion for another. It's what I call having a “license to comfort.” There are problems of life where we have “earned our stripes.” We're never in a position to be rude, pushy or have a know-it-all attitude. It's a comfort, though, when someone can say to me and I know she knows what she's talking about when she says, “I know how you feel.”

There are some folks when it comes to cares and concerns that I really don't want to talk to. It's those people who have never wanted anyone to know if they've had any type of problems. We don't have to go around airing all of our difficulties but I've learned in general conversation or in reviewing my church prayer list something God allowed me to experience perhaps years ago that a present day friend or acquaintance may be experiencing now.

All of us have that list of experiences that give us a license to comfort. I'll list some of those things that I know about from friends and some from my own experience, such as:

loss of job

death of parents

death of a child

cancer diagnosis

car accident

affair of a spouse

divorce

house destroyed by fire

being robbed

miscarriage

The list could go on and on of traumas that can come into a person's life. We've learned that Christians are not exempt from the problems of life, but we have the advantage of having the love, guidance and protection of God Himself. In it all, we've come through it and we've learned. With that learning along with an attitude of prayer and understanding, we can step in with words of comfort and encouragement for another. We can assure a hurting woman with whom we have a negative experience in common that she's going to make it, that she's going to be okay. We have to remember that everyone responds differently to the trials of life. We will never know totally how someone feels about a heartache, so we must be cautious. At the same time, we must be available with a sensitive spirit as God leads. We don't live in a time where people are super sensitive to the feelings and needs of others. If we are going to be comforters, we will have to pay attention to needs of folks around us. We must stay sensitive to the cares of others, especially when those cares “ring a bell” in our own memory. That will be the time to come along side someone God has put on our hearts...to support, encourage, love and pray for them. Keep that license handy...in this sorry world, it will be much used and needed.

Lord Jesus, thank You first for the trials You have brought me through and for all You have taught me in each one. I pray that I will be sensitive to ladies around me who might be facing some similar testings as I have known. Grant me Your wisdom that I will follow Your leading in comforting others in need. I love You, dear Jesus. Amen.